At one time in my life I thought I wanted to be “famous”. That was selfish. I was thinking of being famous in a good sense, not in a notorious sense. I suppose I reveled in the idea of glamor. When I was young, the Miss America Pageant was something many girls dreamed about because all the contestants seemed so elegant and poised. But, being “famous” would definitely take ambition, which I lack; plus, a whole heck of a lot of work and support. All of the “famous” have some qualities that set them apart – I do, though, think they probably share ambition (or, someone who had ambition for them.) Ambition can be a driving force exhibited in a variety of ways. There is someone famous in nearly every walk of life, famous scientists, philanthropists, authors, humanitarians, like Mother Theresa, or Albert Einstein, or Jesus, or the Dalai Lama (you name your favorite leader.) Something, though, sets them apart; something special. I do feel, in a sense, we are all unique – there is something that certainly sets each of us apart from the other – is that our “mark”?
Now, in this time of reflection, I do also question my passion. I feel that those who seem to do the most good in the world have a passion for what they do. That passion is felt by all with whom they come in contact. This, to me, is a “mark”. I’ve been passionate about only a few things in my life, and I’ve had ideas that could have come to fruition had I been ambitious. I was passionate about Geology, but when I was taking Geology courses in the late 60’s, my family didn’t seem to be enthusiastic about that field of study and it just wasn’t something a girl ought to do. I didn’t have the courage to go up that steep hill carving a new path. So, my Geology courses were just used to fulfill my Liberal Arts Degree and I let my passion subside. Sigh. If school wasn’t so expensive today, I would consider returning to studies. I loved attending classes. There are, a couple of other ideas I have, not all that unique, but they just might fulfill my passion requirements. I did enjoy those forty years in my profession; however, I don’t think I had the “passion” that I should have had. My jobs were a means to an end. Maybe, though, in this new state of being, I can coerce some new ambition forward and make a “mark” – after all, life isn’t over until it is over. I am currently attempting to re-invent myself. Maybe I can contribute enough to make this world less of a mess.